Dear MacGruber,
I'm sorry things got this far. I really didn't realize how you were interpreting my body language. When you're around, I laugh out loud, I really do. When you brought Grandma Betty with you two weeks ago, it was priceless; I talked about it for days.
But I also appreciated you for your expeditious exits. Like a favorite uncle, you arrive, tickle my funny bone and carry on. If you linger, I'm afraid we'll all see past you're goofy exterior to the dull man within. You'll want to keep the laughs going for 75, 90 or even 120 minutes, because that's who you are. It's what you do.
You're just not built for a long term relationship.
Oh don't give me that look. Others have made the same mistake. Pat, The Ladies Man, The Night at the Roxbury guys. I imagine we may even have a Debbie Downer move before long.
Then there's Mango, Hanz and Franz and Astronaut Jones. These knew their limitations. I know it's too late for you to change your mind on this weekend. I only hope it won't be awkward next time we see each other.
~Sincerely Billy Dukes
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