Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Half the man I used to be...

I'm a slave to my socks.

For Christmas, someone bought me three pairs of Nike "D
ri-Fit" athletic sox. They're white, crew length, cotton socks. I think they are supposed to wick sweat away from my feet or make me run two seconds faster in the 100 yard dash or something like that. If only I was wearing them through college I'd have had more girlfriends.

Anyway, each sock has an "L" or an "R" on the toe designating which foot that sock belongs on. I know as well as you do that it doesn't make a hill of difference if I put them on the wrong foot. But how many times do you think I've worn the "L" sock on the "R" foot or vice versa?

Zero!

I can't do it. It's stupid and borderline OCD, but if I accidentally pull on the wrong sock, I have to take it off and put it on the other foot. Recently, all the whites were in the dryer, so I had to fish out my "Dri-Fit" socks. I pulled out two "R's." Panic set it. I envisioned myself falling flat on my face or not being able to scurry out of the way fast enough should a car approach at dangerous speeds. THIS IS LIFE OR DEATH!!!

Then I saw an "L" sock... dangling between the teeth of my stubborn dog Clementine. That sock is now more of an ankle sock, but it beats wearing two "R's."

They say marriage institutionalizes a man. I think I agree.

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